Universal Love by Alexander Weinstein

Author:Alexander Weinstein
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.

JEROME

Call me old-fashioned, but I enjoy them. Are they a waste of money? Maybe. But do you watch 9D films? Listen to audio-immersive novels? And just because you’re not actually in that film or book, are those a waste of money? Isn’t all pleasure constructed through immaterial worlds and virtual bodies just a form of aesthetic preference? And maybe this is the Buddhist in me speaking—but what are any of these sensory delights if not our own projections of desire in drag? Better yet, I have a friend who collects books. You probably think that’s an antiquated hobby, but that’s what gives him pleasure. He doesn’t read them, just loves their smell, their feel, how they look lined up on his shelves. That’s his delight.

So my pleasure is Restaurants. And I find men of my age enjoy them as well. Yes, eating is strange. Yes, you’re essentially just sitting there in your bodysuit kissing the air over and over. And yes, if you want my feedback, develop that technology, improve it, offer better hardware. The best I’ve found so far is from GastroSense, a silicone mouth guard that lets you actually spoon real food into your mouth and chew, or sort of chew. I’ll cook myself something at home, then put on the bodysuit and mouth guard, and sit and eat. Oh, I don’t know, potatoes or noodles, I’ll chop up some papaya, just something soft to chew while I’m having seared duck with my date and talking like people once did. Honestly, I’ve been out with some guys just for dinner, nothing more. I’m talking three-hour dinners. It’s better than sex. Sweetheart, av-guys are a dime a dozen. I can get sex every night if I wanted until the bodysuit rubs me raw. But you find those rare men who actually want to sit with you and have a conversation, or simply hold your hand as you share something from your past—that’s worth every dollar I spend my retirement on.

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